If you’re a woman in the Bible Belt, you’ve probably heard of or read about The Proverbs 31 Woman. Some of us love her and some of us resent her. But for those who may not know, she is essentially the proverbial standard of a Godly Woman.
On one hand we recognize that no one is perfect but this gives us a visual on our potential. No one said we have to be just like her. She may not even have been a real person, but a concept. On the other hand if we’re caught in the rat race of living a Perfectly Proverbs 31 Life, the falling short weighs heavy.
Like her or not, she’s there and entire ministries have been themed around her. What if she were real and alive today? By current cultural (not biblical) standards it might read something like this:
✅ Thin but not too thin, curvy but not too curvy. Her lips have to be full but not too full. Her nails manicured but not overly so. She must have thick thighs, with a thigh gap, a small waist, and a flat stomach. She must be muscular but still soft. Her eyes must be big and open but not too wide. She wears makeup but looks like she isn’t wearing any. But she can’t wear make up all the time either because then she’s insecure and not as awesome as the women who don’t wear any at all. But if she wears none at all then she isn’t trying enough.
✅ She gets her clothes from the latest, trendiest boutiques but has to look original and like she’s not trying. Her hair has to be styled, but also rock a messy bun even if she can only get half her hair in it, and with just the right amount of trendy color.
✅ She’s smart but not too smart because then she’s a show off. Talented, but not too talented because she’s probably faking it. People are lurking in the shadows counting on her to fail. She works hard and is successful, but also lazy because “adulting is hard.” If she enjoys adulting too much it would make her seem inhuman and unrelatable. She’s just social enough so people won’t think she’s a snob, but not too much so she becomes a spectacle.
✅ She must perfectly follow all eating and lifestyle trends, and be a master at all social media platforms. She must be authentic, but catchy. She must present thoughts that appear deep and vulnerable but only on the surface so it’s more palatable.
✅ She must keep her house clean and organized, but only when company comes over so she can Netflix and chill with wine the rest of the time. She not a real woman unless “the struggle is real” and only coffee, wine, Netflix, chocolate, Jesus, and her dog can help. Her house has to be welcoming and full of on-trend intricacies to dazzle and delight. And she has to be awesome at preparing amazing food at a moment’s notice but at the same time have carefully mapped out every meal for at least a week down to the penny for her coupon notebook.
✅ Her kids have to be on point, talented, and perfectly reflect her parenting and character. All tantrums are to be justified as teachable life moments with great meaning. She must worship her children, but not too much because the mom life has to also be super exhausting and at the edge of causing a nervous breakdown or she’s not a real mom.
✅ She has to be on the PTA, be at every game, every doctors appointment, and know where everything and everyone is at all times. She has to have a village to help her, but also be able to do it all on her own without any help so other’s don’t get jealous.
✅ As a wife she must be equal parts submissive and independent. Too much independence would make her husband look bad and not enough would make her look pathetic. Her husband must be happy, but not too happy because a truly happy marriage isn’t real either. She must make money, take care of the kids, cook and clean, and encourage and support her husband all on her own or with a village depending on how the public views it that day.
✅ At church she must be well-read in scripture and multi-talented in her service to the church organization. Her life must look just enough out of whack that it’s interesting to others, but she has to have a smile on her face and a hopeful word at all times. Always being good, fine, or blessed doesn’t cut it, but forbid it if she actually has a detailed response!
✅ At work she must be a shark who also bakes cupcakes for the breakroom. She must have valid insight to contribute to the team but not enough that it threatens others. She must do enough to satisfy the corporate gods but not too much because “actually doing things gets you fired.”
And if by some miracle of creation she even remotely achieved all of that, we hate her for it because “why can’t we?!” 😫 No wonder why we’re mean! I’m feel meaner just writing about it. I have the honor of meeting with women almost daily who share with me like the pressures they feel. If we add them all up it would look something like this.
What on earth are we doing to one another and to ourselves?! It’s human nature to want what we don’t have, and it’s said that people attack what they most admire. But why do we feel like the way to increase the perception of our value is to attempt to decrease the perception of someone else’s?
You can shine without having to outshine others. There’s enough Light to go around.
The One who holds our value is the same yesterday, today, and forever! Our value cannot waiver because The Ultimate War has already been won for us. Our worth was sealed on the Cross. The battles we find ourselves in now are to convince us otherwise. To distract and discourage from our purpose. But if we look upward, we know that He can turn these trials into growing opportunities. Instead of throwing shade, let’s share the light of what we learn to lift up others!
If someone or a few women have come to mind as you’ve read this series, pray for them. Whether you were the mean girl or she was, pray. We are all fighting a battle that no one can truly understand but ourselves and The Lord. Drop the judgement. Life is too short to play the comparison game.
“Have courage and be kind.” Choose to love instead of judge. Build up instead of teardown. We will be amazed at what happens when we ask God for the eyes to see her the way He does. Ask God to give you a word of encouragement or of forgiveness for her. Instead of building walls between us, we should be helping each other break them down!
Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your infinite wisdom, Your faithfulness and lovingkindness, I praise You for Grace and Mercy. Thank You for raising up a generation of confident women! Women who recognize the power and equality You created us for. Women who see one another as assets, not liabilities. Women who recognize their true, unique, beautiful identity and purpose.
Father, bind the hands of the true enemy and place a hedge of protection around Your daughters. Forgive us where we fall short and help us to forgive ourselves and each other. Helps us to understand the power of Your Love, the power of Your Holy Spirit.
Help us to know true fulfillment and where that comes from. Help us to understand that we don’t have to try so hard to be the person You’ve called us to be. We already are who You say we are! Help is to rest in You and the work You have, are, and will do! In Jesus’s name! Glory Glory!
LiveALIVE Today,
Cindy
Live A.L.I.V.E. 