47. On This Day 7 Years Ago: 9/6/2013

On this day 7 years and 4 weeks ago, I felt a very strong nudge compelling me to ask if I could speak for the women’s gathering. I was sick to my stomach at the very thought of it because “who was I to ask such a thing.”

I was young and the lies that I wasn’t worthy, would never be good enough, didn’t deserve to preach we’re already wrapping around my soul. The message in my heart, how could I deliver that when I am still struggling with unknown (at the time) health issues. They don’t even know my whole story yet, because I didn’t know either. How dare I ask for the opportunity. The audacity. Who do I think I am? Wouldn’t they want someone more popular, more accomplished? (I have trouble remembering what God has allowed me to bring to the table.)

It was one of those moments where the words are going to spill out of you regardless if you want them to or not, so I asked, “Do we have a speaker for the next women’s gathering?” Ok, that at was question number 1. Now can I ask question number 2? The answer will be No anyway but at least I was obedient to ask. “Sure, that’s a great idea!” …. I’m sorry, what? The answer was yes.

The opposition which came against me in the weeks leading to and years that followed This Day 7 Years Ago, because a broken young women had the audacity to preach about breaking chains to a room full of 90 women. The highest attended women’s gathering, and the last quarterly gathering we would have. The answer was yes, but it always felt like no. And No for 7 years since. My marriage, spiritual gifts, personality, health, influence, leadership, finances, you name it, have all been viciously attacked.

Do you know, I still hear from women who attended that event on the chains that were broken? The victory they received. The encouragement it was to them. As for me, it seemed like my chains were only beginning to anchor. But on This Day 7 Years Later, I type this out knowing more freedom and peace, strength and love than I have ever felt.

So to all those women …
The women who were there as a lesson
The women who were there as opposition
The women who were there to support and encourage
The women who showed up
The women who helped make it possible
The women who prayed
The women who worshipped God
The women who cried
The women who laughed
The women who received healing
The women who received Jesus

Know that every time I think of that night, I see your sweet faces looking at me and I am humbled, honored, in awe. I pray for you often. Pray that you’re living in The Power of His Name, the power that breaks every chain. I am so grateful for each and everyone of you. So grateful for the opportunity to serve you!

To the woman that didn’t think she could. I didn’t really know you before that night, but if I can so can you! You want to know how I know that? Because it’s not about us. If God puts a song in your heart, sing it. If He puts words on your lips, speak them. Fear doesn’t stand a chance against The Power and The Presence of our Heavenly Father. Was it a perfect sermon, no.

For years I couldn’t marvel at what God had done, because I lived in fear that something came out wrong, and because certain people made sure that I knew my place – and on a stage, planning an event, preaching, etc. wasn’t it. But how God has allowed me to grow!!!

If God is speaking to you through a burning bush and telling you to do something, live in peace and strength knowing that your stutter isn’t going to stand in the way of His ability to part the sea!

Listen sisters, focus on the Gospel, be willing to share how Jesus has changed your life. Someone needs to hear it the way only you can share it. It’s not about you. Take the pressure off, take the comparison off. There’s room at the table and we all have something to bring. I love you!

Serving women and sharing The Good New of The Gospel – an Abundant Limitless Intentional Victorious Exuberant life … That’s my passion!! Freedom for the captives! And overwhelming, never ending, reckless Love that heals hearts!! What greater love is there that each human in existence is worth “leaving the 99” for?! That’s how I see each of you! I’m already rescued, and each person is the one. Reach out and touch a life today!

44. Dear Me. Dear Church.

When I titled the last post “The Real Me. My real Dream,” it was not to imply that I have been disingenuous in any way. When I first began attending a church, several things were said to me the trajectory of which shaped the better part of a decade. I wanted so badly to find a home and a family that I was vulnerable. I don’t blame those who said what they said/did what they did. They had no way of knowing that I didn’t have the tools to filter out which messages I needed to receive and which I needed to throw out. I did t even know. I’ve always been me I just haven’t believed in myself, always looking to others for validation.

This is common for child abuse survivors, as I’ve learned recently. I’ve been susceptible to people in positions of authority or influence, blindly following their guidance unless I already knew it was outright wrong. When you’re looking for a place to belong believing that you have nothing to offer but everything to learn, it’s the perfect set up. It seems so silly that the opinions of people who were just babies themselves could have such a significant impact. You as the reader may even feel that I was foolish. Fair enough. But in grace I know it wasn’t foolish, naive for sure, but not foolish.

I honestly didn’t know any better and had no one to tell me otherwise. I completely discounted the power of The Holy Spirit within me, completely discounted how my life experiences had molded my strengths and God-gifted wisdom. I only saw my weaknesses and flaws, and I spent hours in prayer asking for forgiveness for things that weren’t even mine to repent. Why?

They were treating me the same way that bosses, coworkers, friends, etc. had always treated me, so I began to believe that I really was the problem. And I brought that same pattern of belief with me into my Mary Kay career. However, I regret nothing. No time has been wasted because my God promises to redeem the time and to work all things for my good. I’m waking up and stepping out and I am gloriously enthusiastic about it!

Years ago I delivered a message at a women’s gathering in which I told the audience that none of us are special. 😆 That’s certainly not a message we like to hear, myself included. I stand by my statement. It’s really difficult sometimes to communicate these deep threads of thought in a clear and concise way without leaving gaps. I do the best I can and trust The Holy Spirit.

My meaning was that we compare ourselves to one another thinking, “If I only had this gift or talent or that gift or talent then I’d be special like this person or that person.” When the truth is we are all unique with our own stories, hardships, triumphs, and gifts. So each of us is special in our own way and none of us is special as in better than another. We put way too much emphasis on the wrong things, including me. Let’s all just drop the pretense already.

Ex- Do you ever catch yourself staring down your own nose at someone with a sense of superiority? You think you see something so clearly and confidently that you don’t think they can see? Instead of being open and humble about it, you watch on and say nothing because it makes you feel better and that’s what you think you need? Or have you ever chosen not to affirm or support someone because the idea of that person rising someone feels threatening to you? Instead, you watch on in scrutinizing silence, looking for things you can use or punch holes in. Thinking if you can, it means you’re better or you win? Or do you feel like you will never measure up, you’ll do anything to be seen as good enough? You live in fear that people will find out you’re lacking, so you keep at it? If so, there’s a good indicator of a hole you’re trying to fill or avoid. God, forgive us! There’s room at the table for all of us. Help us see.

Sisters, you don’t know everything. I don’t know everything. The truth is we all know nothing compared to Almighty God. We will always be able to poke holes in each other’s experiences, perspectives, etc. because we’re neither omniscient nor omnipotent. He’s given us access to Kingdom power, yes, but we are still human. He has gifted you in areas I’m not. I may be gifted in areas you’re not. And that’s wonderful!! Let’s get excited about that!! I’ve never understood why women seek to suppress each other instead of celebrating each other. Let’s start viewing one another as assets, not liabilities – that’s the world talk, not The Kingdom.

We can help each other! It should take the pressure off, right? Instead it seems we’re in a never ending hand-race to reach the top of the baseball bat! While some of us are “competing” to just keep up or be enough, which we’ll never achieve; others of us are competing because we have to be on top and don’t dare anyone threaten that. Isn’t it exhausting? Why can’t we see that “the world is wide enough?”

So this is me being awake and over it. Letting go of ego, putting aside the need to keep up. Able in Jesus name to own who I have always been at my core and not worry about if it fits someone’s idea of who “Cindy” should be. No longer willing to shrink. By shrinking, I’ve deprived myself of lessons I need to learn and others of lessons they need to learn all to try to keep others happy. All just to belong somewhere. When you grow up in abuse, don’t have any stable relationships at home, and you’re bullied at school, where do you belong? Love and belonging are basic human needs, needs I was starving for. But you can’t serve God and people.

I want to see women be released from the bondage of “not enough” and the fear of unbelonging to embrace who they are! God can unleash His power through us if we let all this go and run to Him for validation! That can’t happen when we get caught up in the inferiority/superiority crap. Be honest about your blindsides and help protect your sisters’. Let’s recognize we’re all in this together.

It’s a hostile environment we create when we compete and compare, especially in what should be a community which reflects the love and grace of Jesus. Above all, we belong to The One who breathed us and all of creation into existence with such care, that the hairs on our heads have been counted. I want to see a body of believers loving and serving the way we are truly called to, to learn what that really means. Together we could end child abuse. End homelessness. End slavery. End it all or fight like Heaven trying. To see that every person receive the love and belonging they were created for!

Hey, Beautiful! I just love you! I think you’re amazing! Thanks for reading. I hope it blesses you, releases you, or at the very least offers food for thought. We are walking toward greater joy and freedom together, and it is an honor to share with you! Don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever want to talk. I’d love to listen! In Jesus name, there is no condemnation here. I rebuke those lies of the enemy and thank You Jesus for replacing them with Your Holy Truth right now this second.

I want women to stop chasing after what they think they should be and own who they are. Then they would see that what they look to others for will start to manifest in their own lives. Often times people who attend churches disassociate from others they perceive as sinful so that the vines of others’ sins don’t creep in on them. I’m guilty too. “I don’t understand you so you must be wrong.” You learn to speak the language of sanctification and as long as you continue to speak what’s comfortable and familiar you’re accepted. Start asking hard questions or share a different perspective and the tide may change.

For a time, in my desperation of belonging and pursuing a “holy” life opposite of the one I grew up in, I thought that’s what we’re supposed to do. If holier, church-going Christians could accept me and accept my husband then maybe we could be worthy. I equated the acceptance of church people to the acceptance of God. I own every bit of responsibility for that. Nowhere have I felt more judgement, comparison, rejection, and pettiness than I have amongst women who claim Jesus as their savior. And this is an account of my whole life.

It’s everywhere, but I think I was naive to expect something different under the fold of a Christ-centered organization. I expected and wholehearted believed better from church people, and that’s why it affected me more than anything. No one is perfect. Heaven and Hell know for sure I’m not. If you’ve read any one of my blogs than you know how messed up I am. 😆 But where Hell won’t let us forget, Heaven washes us clean. And I am grateful to have grown beyond this expectation of church or church people. Jesus has offered so much freedom!

You don’t know what you don’t know. I couldn’t see that back then. I do now. I had to unlearn a lot of things and – I’m comfortable now saying – that so do many church people. Getting hung up on things like dress code and drums in worship, and ignoring starving people on the streets, speaking out about sexual orientation far more than things like child abuse. Judging that girl for what they think is attitude instead of realizing that she’s had to be tough all her life. It’s not disrespect, it’s passion, but our ego won’t move over for us to see it.

Instead of embracing different perspectives and personalities, we tell everyone they need to be like us. More truthfully we tell people, just like any other culture, to be who we think, or want, they should be. Ex – I’m a woman so I shouldn’t feel so comfortable standing toe to toe with a man. If I had been “raised better” maybe I could be more meek and mild. All of heaven knows how hard I’ve tried to shove myself into that demeanor. But Jesus didn’t choose the disciples to change their personalities and make them more like the Pharisees.

“We are willing to admit just enough of our own brokenness to be marketable and hold back the deeper ugly for fear of rejection. (Consider this blog my ugly cry, snot and all!) We are kind always, until they leave the room and then we say whatever we want and use the excuse we need to vent to a trusted confidant or we need to pray for those people. Or worse yet we’re passive aggressive toward them because we don’t know how to be direct.

We cloak things with theological words, and righteous-sounding riddles, leaving the recipient dazed and confused and feeling small. Criticize others for a thought or idea and turn it around with our own spin for our own gain. We rest on our privilege and struggle to understand and connect with those who think or act differently. We look at our privilege as a blessing so that we can minister to “the least of these” every so often while we live comfortable lives and don’t truly want for anything. We lose touch. We lose perspective.

I believe where we go wrong is internally measuring ourselves as better than, less “sinful,” more educated and thereby superior. Bless their hearts it’s our Christian duty to help sanitize em so they can appear more holy and make everyone more comfortable. There is a difference between sanitization and sanctification. Not everyone is like this, absolutely not, or I would not attend a church period. I am on my face in joy and gratitude for my church family. I’d be wayward and drifting without my church family.

Wherever you have people you have problems. Nevertheless community is vital even for an introvert. And yes, there are a rare few who fare better riding solo and that’s perfectly well. Hear my heart. True nonconformity isn’t a thing as we all conform to something in one way or another. We are all influenced by something and someone everyday. And I am beyond grateful to belong to a church family who is being lead out of this mindset and into the mindset of real people with real problems experiencing real love. Praise You God for this family!

If we are truly being transformed by the renewing of our minds- truly allowing The Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out – I believe we’d be more aware of our own sin and less worried about someone else’s creeping in. Why? Because “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” John 1:5 NLT

The Light within us cannot be overtaken by darkness. Our God is too powerful. When Jesus touched people, their “ick” didn’t get on His “wow.” His “wow” got on their “ick.” That power is within those who have received The Holy Spirit. “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NLT

When the focus becomes about preserving our own holiness over loving someone’s brokenness, that’s when we’ve lost love and adopted religion. I have never in my life been able to judge someone, argue someone, compare someone, punish someone into accepting the love of Jesus. Have you?

A platform gives us a privilege but it doesn’t make us better. It should make us more humble. More loving. Because we know what it feels like to be judged and put in a box. We know how broken we really are and yet some how we’ve been given a chance to make a difference. What kind of love is that? That saints could be more lost and broken than sinners and yet He calls us His. Ooo, I gotta chew on that some more.

Father, allow only love and conviction to be heard in these words. Thank You for opening my eyes just a little bit more. I’ve come so far and yet have so much longer to go. Thank you for loving me where I’m at and healing me. Forgive me for trading in my uniqueness for religious conformity. Set me free that I may be your vessel. So I can “Go!.
And hold all the mothers, whose babies bleed from bullet holes
And feel all the hunger, the bellies, and the bones
Shout for the prisoner, cry for justice, loud and long
And march with the victims, as Jesus marches on
And sit at all the tables, ’cause Jesus eats with everyone
And dance to the music, if I can’t sing its native tongue
And cry for the wombs, the mothers and the empty arms
And hold high the warriors, fighting now for freedoms’ song
And love, love, love, love
Like it’s my own blood
And love, love, love, love
As I have been loved!”

In Jesus’ name, I beg! Amen!

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

40. 😰𝑭𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒆𝒂𝒓 and 𝑫𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚😰

😰𝑭𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒆𝒂𝒓 & 𝑫𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚😰
I love this advice. It’s very encouraging. When we don’t back down in the face of fear, we tend to overcome it. Once we allow ourselves to face it, it’s not so scary, and our confidence grows. Yay!

But what happens when we continue to face our fears, but the fear doesn’t go away? What happens when fear is always sitting below the surface? You learn to function despite the fear you feel. Learn to ignore it even. But maybe sometimes that fear grows and it gets harder to push beyond it. What then? I am only now learning about this.

One thing I know is that we do not have to be afraid. Yesterday I talked about learning to just be. God’s word says over and over do not worry, do not fear, be anxious for nothing. It’s says to be still/cease striving.

Sometimes the answer isn’t feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes the answer is taking time to understand where the fear is coming from and heal. Walking around with fear brooding beneath the surface is courageous. Showing up, pushing through, doing what needs to be done even while you’re anxious or afraid is very brave. But to live that way is not living in the Freedom and Victory we are meant to live by. That’s not living ALIVE!!

How do we overcome this perpetual fear? Here’s what I’m learning:

1) Cast all your cares in Him for He cares for you. Come to Him all who are weary and He will give you rest. The seasons in my life where I have truly done this have been the more confident and peaceful seasons of my life, but every life has ebbs and flows. When “disaster” hits, I tend to take up the reigns.

2) Community matters. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, authentic people. People who accept you, who don’t criticize you or take advantage of you. If people mistreat you, gossip about you, see you as less than because you’re struggling, or won’t allow you to show “weakness,” that says more about them than it does about you.

3) Seek help. Pray and be in The Word, absolutely and for sure, but there is no shame in counseling, support groups, etc. The fear you’re dealing with could be circumstantial, or it could be an indicator of something more. To be honest, everyone could benefit from a mentor or counselor of some sort.

4) Have grace with yourself and others. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes fear is not an indicator that you lack faith. The fact that you show up proves that. It’s ok not to be ok. If people can’t hang through the not ok times as you heal. If they aren’t able to be open and honest with you, or expect you to be chipper all the time, then maybe it’s ok to let them walk away. It doesn’t mean that you are unworthy. It just means they can’t hang. And that’s ok!

5) Understand that being open or vulnerable about your fears does not make you weak or unprofessional. It makes you a real human being. Sometimes others may not be as open about their feelings, fears, or failures, and that’s just fine, too. If you feel called to share those things and it’s not received, that is not a reflection on you either. People may mistake it as weakness or a lack of professionalism, but that’s their mistake to make. “Have courage and be kind.” “You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. Smarter than you think. And loved more than you know.”

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

Holy Spirit, as You reign in our hearts, perfect love casts out fear. Father You promised to deliver us from all our fears. Help us to put our trust in You to keep Your promises. If the fear is not removed, help us to understand there is a reason. Work with us through this journey. Praise You for Your everlasting love and patients. Faith of a mustard seed and we can speak to a mountain and it moves. You give us this gift, Father! Show us Your glory, Lord. Let peace and Love reign in our hearts and in our minds that we may be transformed by it! Bind the Spirit of fear, remove it from our midst, and replace that fear with Your power and Your truth. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

33. Image Is EVERYTHING, or So “They” Say …

🦸‍♀️ᶦᵐᵃᵍᵉ ᶦˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ, ᵒʳ ˢᵒ ᵗʰᵉʸ ˢᵃʸ🦹‍♀️
Have you ever gone into hiding? I spent the better part of the last decade hiding. Hiding my past, hiding my emotions, hiding my personality, and hiding from taking risks and making mistakes. Why?

1️⃣ I was scared that talking about my past was dwelling on it. I didn’t want to be seen as a victim but a victor. And I didn’t know it at the time, but in my attempt to protect certain people, I only really protected my abusers. Now more than ever I am confident that I am to use the voice God gave me to help prevent what happened to me from happening to others. And to help those like me find safety and healing. In order to do that, I have to stop hiding and protecting the wrong people.

2️⃣ Nobody likes a whiner. I was told my whole life to develop a thicker skin against the abuse I was enduring. If I voiced my objection to wrong treatment, I was told to suck it. I learned to cope by internalizing everything. So when I come forward with a problem, it’s serious and I’ve thought a lot about it. You don’t survive the things I’ve survived by being weak. It’s by God’s Grace I have a soft heart, and that is something I don’t wish to change. I’ve seen firsthand the damage caused by hardened hearts.

We all wear masks. Sometimes we wear masks for self-care.

3️⃣ I didn’t grow up with many friends. I was picked on in school much of the time and at home all of the time. I didn’t have the greatest view of myself. It is familiar to me to have to work really hard to earn someone’s friendship and endure mistreatment, because that’s what I thought love was. Love endures, right? I must be the problem because how can that many people be that mean and it not be justified. Wrong! That’s the biggest lie abuse tells you – you’re the problem and you deserve the abuse.

4️⃣ It is rare to find someone who shares my passion. Partly because I wasn’t being open in the first place; and partly because when I did speak up, it was not received well. I’m grateful that my past has given me a unique perspective. It’s a dog eat dog world, but I wasn’t made that way. I thought that if I wanted to have friends and a community as an adult, the best way was to get in line. People seemed to prefer the compliant, yes-girl. I also didn’t want to take risks because I’ve struggled with a warped idea of what sin and holiness are.

Sometimes masks allow us to be something or someone else.

Do you relate to any of those? What ways do you or have you been hiding? Did you notice a similar thread in each of the above? Lies, shame, misguided perspective, oppression.

The enemy wants us in hiding. Wants us silent and confused about who we are and what we stand for. By hiding or being vague about my past I wasn’t sharing what Jesus has truly done for me. I wasn’t as affective a witness I could be. By hiding my potential, there was a limit on the power of God in my life. I allowed the opinions of and treatment by others to hold me back. And it kept happening, because it kept working.

I pray I have learned my lesson and am committed to coming out of the shadows with my testimony, my passion, my voice, my personality because God gifted them to me. And the best way to honor God for our gifts is to use them in service to Him. What is service to Him? Loving Him and Loving Others!

I thought that if I worked hard not to ruffle feathers, to serve others no matter the personal cost, that was what loving others looked like. I never took risks because I didn’t want to offend, leave anyone behind, or be standing alone. I was taught to avoid anything that might be construed as sinful so as not to cause others to stumble. So I worked very hard to maintain not only the image externally but internally. Sometimes feathers need to be lovingly ruffled!

Sometimes we hide in the shadows, background, behind masks. Sometimes we’re hiding in plain sight, and nobody knows who we really are are how we may be suffering.

Image is not everything. In fact, God chose an unwed teenager to carry Christ. Mary should hav even stoned according to the custom of the time. He chose tax collectors and murderers, the socially unclean to be His disciples. We ALL fall short, that’s why we have Jesus! There was no other way. We can work with Him to be mindful of our actions and thoughts. But disagreeing with someone is not a sin. Making a decision to step out in boldness even if it doesn’t succeed they way you though is not a sin.

I used to think that if something “failed” it’s because God’s favor wasn’t in it because of sin. I was told that my body is broken because of my disobedience. If multiple people say it it must be tried, right? No. There was never answer as to what that disobedience is/was, just that I needed to pray and fast and repent. So I did and my body is still struggling, and that’s ok with me – at least I say it enough that some days it’s true – work in progress. But I trust God is using it. I used to think any negative thing was God punishing me. False. The truth of all these things is the opposite of what I thought.

Full of insecurity, pridefulness, fear, anxiety, judgement. The stress of maintaining a righteous appearance, working for God’s love and approval. Working for the approval of others – people who will probably never understand me and never want to understand me. I was suffocating and probably bringing others into that same vacuum with me. For Image sake! I’m no longer satisfied with that way of thinking.

But God promises us a future and a hope, a peace that surpasses all understanding, freedom and victory in the here and now. A life full of light! No more hiding!

That way of life and way of thinking does not produce the fullness of joy promised by our God. Serving as unto The Lord, truly, shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. Be mindful of the expectations you set for yourself and accept from others. We are created in His Image. And He is the all-knowing, all-powerful Creator of All! More diverse than we could ever imagine. As we understand His true image better and better, we can understand our own better and better. No more hiding. Get to know yourself. You are not a mistake. You are intentional.

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

Holy Father, thank You for the unfolding of true tree of life wisdom. Thank You for creating us so uniquely. Yes we need community, but more than anything we need You. Forgive me for my wrong thinking. Some of it was beyond my control and some of it was my own doing. Thank You for showing me the way. Thank You for unraveling my reality to realign my head and my heart in right understanding. I am so far to go, but You are always loving, patient, and faithful. I can never do anything to separate me from Your love. You are Love. Thank You for inspiring me.

Please bring healing and restoration through Your Word. Lead anyone who reads this to dive in for themselves so that You can show them the way for them. Bless their hearts with gladness and leave today. Break the chains of oppression, shame, voicelessness, and slavery to image. Lead us all to a greater victory. Bring us out of darkness and into the light with radiant, unashamed faces! In Jesus name, I pray, amen. I love You Lord! Thank You!

29. The Secret to Living Your Best Life

LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE!! I love the statement! I love the concept! Don’t we all want to live our best life? Is there a standard measure for the definition of this concept? Where did the phrase come from?

A brief search lead to Oprah potentially having started the trend. Something’s always felt a little off though as I’ve posted and read other posts of a similar thread. How do we know from moment to moment that this is our best life? We don’t know what we don’t know, right? What if there’s more out there that we don’t even realize? How do we learn the more?

We could say that Living Our Best Life looks like having a comfortable or even abundant financial portfolio; being in excellent physical health; establishing a career that we love; managing our time and resources like a total boss; having a well maintained home; being well groomed in the latest trends; having the most loving and supportive community! That sounds amazing!!

And if we follow that train, than living our best life means making choices everyday that craft our lives in the picturesque fashion painted above. Hear me, I’m not about to tell you that wanting and working towards those things isn’t valid. But if any part of that picture made you feel less than, off base, or not even worth trying, I’m here to tell you … Living Your Best Life is closer and more obtainable than you think …

LiveALIVE pose at MK Seminar 2017! I’d made a significant dent into this health and weight loss journey. It has its ups and downs but I will not give up. And I am grateful for a career that allows me the room to take care of myself and celebrates with me through the ups and downs.

Here’s what Living My Best Life looks like.

It’s not anyone’s place to tell you what your best life should look like. It’s different for everyone. If someone asked me to describe my perfect day I couldn’t answer them. If someone asked me to describe my idea of my perfect life, my answer is totally weird …

My best life isn’t necessarily in the picture above: I want the heart of God. More than I want health and healing, more than I want a supportive and loving community, more than I want to be a ministry mogul … I want God’s power to manifest through my life and to spill over into the lives of others.

That means loving and encouraging people who don’t recognize my worth because God has called me to be an intercessor. That means enduring through chronic pain and fatigue because God promises to heal me but told me that this path would bring more glory to His name in the lives of others. That means continuing to move forward in obedience when others speak doubt and diminished value over my calling. That means loving and leading people who do not understand.

My best life is a hard life. I’ve got a long way to go in understanding this. And before you go thinking that I’m in line for sainthood, I fail every day! I fail more than I succeed. But one thing God has pointed me to over and over about this “best life” thing is this …

GRATITUDE!

Thats right. The simplest, easiest way to live our best life is that good ol’ Attitude of Gratitude! (Did you roll your eyes just then? 😆)

Some of us aren’t living our best life because we are failing to see that we already are! We’re too busy striving to achieve our idea of perfection and miss it. “We can’t see the forest for the trees.”

Perfect example:

Tuesday was my birthday. I woke up to a good amount of snow for East TN, especially in early November! It snowed on my birthday!! When has that ever happened?! I LOVE Snow! I’m from Florida, ok! And having lived in TN for most of my life now, I don’t get to see a lot of it. NEVER on my birthday! God loves me, of this I am certain!

What a sweet gift! But I almost allowed my joy to be stolen when I realized that we probably wouldn’t have our weekly Girls Night at our beloved MK Studio. I had a bday outfit planned out and friends joining me to be pampered, not to mention spending time with my MK family. Plus, Mike was working this year as he had to take extra time for best man duties.

I’m leaving the “I can’t” attitude in 2019. This waterfall was not the easiest place to get to. The walk to it was a gentle stroll, but the only way down into the small gorge was to walk down a very narrow, no guard rail, slippery, angled, stone stairway. I knew if I tried I would slip and fall and there would be consequences. I don’t have the best balance on a good day let alone in that cocktail for injury. I ask most missed out, BUT instead, I found my own way down that was a lot better for my abilities and concerns. YES. YOU. CAN.

So for a moment I almost allowed a deep sense of loneliness to take hold. If you’ve been keeping up with this blog, you know that the last several months have been a major journey in the healing department and I’ve dealt with some depression as a normal result of processing trauma. I’m so glad that that’s normal, because I was starting to worry! Lol!

But if I couldn’t be in my Pink Bubble in my new bday outfit, the next best thing would be a day on the couch in my fluffy robe! I got to watch the snow fall all day and snuggle my fur babies, and get a lot of administrative tasks accomplished for wrapping up the year and attached to a Dream of mine that’s becoming a reality! And I had some killer quiet time! Wow!

Turning can’ts into cans and dreams into plans! Plus providing income for my family! Seriously! That’s living my best life! And THANK YOU to those who reached out to wish me a happy birthday! Cup overflowing! Never underestimate the power of a kind word.

It was a choice! Wallow in self pity and loathing, giving into loneliness and negative self talk or make the most of what the day provided. That’s living your best life! Think about it! In what ways are you already living your best life?

Your best life is your life through the filter of gratitude! If there’s something you don’t like, change it or choose to look at it differently.

One more example.

My husband isn’t in love with being a homeowner. He’d rather rent an apartment. But God in His wonderful provision through our realtor and loan officer, allowed us this home. Earlier this year Mike wanted to sell. So we got to scrubbing every nook and cranny, got our clutter better organized, and I worked my design mojo to stage The Wright House like a boss! Then I took ‘Gram-worthy photos.

When Mike looked at the photos, he saw our home through a different lens and had a change of heart. Same house, same stuff, different perspective. Sometimes all it takes is a shift in our perspective. That is a powerful truth!

My dear friend, my prayer is that you grow to love your life! Love yourself! This life will never be perfect, you will never be perfect, but we can have Abundance, Limitlessness, Intentionality, Victory, and Exuberance! It’s all in a choice, moment by moment!

There is SO much I would tweak. Wall color, definitely the wind o treatment placement, etc. but I choose to be grateful the bedroom suite is the first major purchase I did for myself when I had my first place on my own. The bedding was a gift from my in laws, the art work and throw pillows also gifts. Original hardwood floors and super squishy comfy bed!

Has this helped you? What does living Your Best Life look and feel like for you? In what ways has your attitude limited you or taken the lid off your thinking? I’d love to learn more about you and your dreams!!

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

Father, thank You for the powerful brains You have given us. Thank You for our testimonies. Thank You for always holding us up even when we’re ungrateful. Especially then. Help us to see a little more of what You see, transform our hearts and our minds to align with Yours! In Jesus name, I pray!

23. How Mismatched Socks Are Challenging the Status Quo

Ah, the sock drawer. I’m digging through it as some of my no-show and low cut socks in fun colors have gotten separated and realize that I have several random socks in there without matches: I should really get on that. Where do socks go when they’re lost? How does that even happen? Lost Socks I mean? Especially for just Mike and I. I’m a stickler about keeping my socks together, Mike is not. Yet, I’m the one with more rogue socks. Is it because they’re smaller and different shapes and sizes where his are pretty much all the same? And his are easier, too, because of the brand stitching on the toe. Foolproof. But nooo, I’ve gotta have all different colors and lengths, and whatever happened to my beige pair with the pink argyle? I need some cute socks to go with boots for Fall this year, if it ever cools down enough for fall attire. 🙏

I’m determined to conclude my search with the matching pair of blue socks I planned to wear today. Growing up, my socks had to match. Not only each other, but my outfit. It was very serious in my house to wear matching socks – a house of 5 children ranging over a 12 year age gap no less. By the time I was in high school there were a few people who wore mismatched socks to school and it blew my mind. Aren’t your parents mad? How is that not bugging you? It was unfathomable. How could they do such a thing? It kind of made me mad actually. The rule-breaking of it all. Mismatched and consequence-free.

Did I find those matching blue socks? Yes or no?

Darn those millennials and their mismatched socks. It’s madness, I tell you, madness! Total anarchy. Actually, kids these days – so Gen Z’ers, I guess – can even buy socks that are purposely designed not to match. They come in packs and you can mix them. 🤯 True story.

I don’t think I could ever wear mismatched socks of different lengths or materials, but nowadays it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they were the same sock in different colors as long as I’m wearing pants and can’t see them. 😂😂😂 But you know what I love? (Aside from healing from anxiety and all these little neurotic tendencies that used to be such a huge deal for me. They are many.)

I love that I have come to the place where I understand the world is not going to end over mismatched socks. It never would have ended before either, but I certainly didn’t know it. That’s it! The younger generation and maybe even mine has figured it out! The world won’t end if our socks don’t match! But it took a few of us to try it out first to make that harrowing discovery!

And I LOVE THAT about these younger generations! We’re challenging the status quo. We’re asking the question: just because it’s always done this way, should it be? Why? Is there a better way? What’s our reasoning and motivation for doing something a particular way? It took me long enough, but I get it!

Pinterest

The device you are reading this on exists because someone decided there was a better way of writing and the typewriter eventually gave way to a personal computer which gave way to a the smart phone and all of the wonderful and progressive inventions in between. We enjoy those don’t we?

One time I got straight out asked if I am a millennial by a stranger I’d met only minutes prior. Why? Because I asked to pay her using pay pal. Why does using pay pal make me a millennial? And why did I feel a minute amount of defensiveness at the question? Yes, I’m a millennial. Your point? (She was a very sweet lady, by the way. This is in no way a reflection on her.)

Let me get this straight, though, because I get ragged on a lot over being born in this age group. The older generations paved the way for these inventions. Isn’t the goal of most parents to provide a better life for their children than the one they had? From their faith journey down to their mode of transportation. But then when we take advantage of the road that was paved for us, it give others permission to mock us for it? When did an entire generation of people become something we can roll our eyes at?

The world may roll its eyes at us but it certainly doesn’t have qualms about taking our money, as we’re the most marketed to generation in history.

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🎤

Google

By the way, do you know who sends me money through pay pal more than any age group? Gen Xers. Does it matter to me? No. I’m still getting paid. I only know that because of the sweet lady’s curious question.

Gosh, I could go on and on with stories of things that have been said to me about “my generation.”

Another example is Church, the organization. For The Greatest Generation and even Babyboomers, church looked like the place where you wore your best clothes, acted on your best behavior, sang hymnal songs that ironically at some point were written into existence by some one creative, and sat still and calm in your pew for the preaching about right living.

That’s not real. It wasn’t real back then and it’s not real now. It’s all a show, so why should we continue to carry on that way? It’s fine if you like a different type of music, but drums in church is not a sin and neither are jeans. The point is authenticity. The point is love. The point is Jesus. And did you know that our bodies are musically designed – wind, string, and percussion instruments?

Listen, mismatched socks aren’t going to kill us anymore than using a more convenient method of payment or communication, like texting. The decisions of the generations before us have paved the way for how we do things, and then we’re criticized for living in the environment that was created for us. How does that work exactly? And no amount of conformity to this world ever made it better.

Progress comes from those willing to challenge what’s always been done to see if there’s a better way. Henry Ford, The Wright Bros, Thomas Edison, George Washington Carver, Sacagawea, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King, Jr., Marie Curie, Mary Kay Ash, Leonardo DaVinci, Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, and the list goes on … all challenged the Status Quo and made our world a better place. If we aren’t moving forward, we’re moving backward.

We’re dreamers! And that’s a good thing! So what if our socks don’t match!

Amazon.com

God, thank you for this generation I was born into. Life is always changing, always progressing. Thank You for the dreamers and the doers. Thank You for all the people who came before us and challenged the status quo. Father, Your Word teaches us that we are not to be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. You encourage us to think new thoughts, to ask questions. You gave us curiosity and imagination. Thank You for such wonder and such beauty. Thank You for causing that Apple to fall on the head of Sir Newton. Thank You for inspiring Archimedes to take a bath. Over 5k years ago, You inspired someone to invent the wheel. I marvel at Your creation – people. The best thing You’ve ever created. Help me to love them and see them as You do, Lord. Help us all, Lord. In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.

LiveALIVE Today!

Cindy

PS. Look Up Crazy Youngsters by Esther Dean

19. What’s New – 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨?

Call me the Taylor Swift of Bloggers. Inspiration for this blog came from a remarkably unlikely scenario: a seemingly innocent encounter with an old friend turned profound #deepthoughtswithCindy gamechanger.

Setting The Stage

It’s about a week before we leave for our annual Mary Kay Seminar in Dallas, on a Tuesday afternoon. I’m all dolled up for our weekly success meeting that evening, and my friends and I are shopping at my favorite store!

Queue dressing room montage: Shannon, Angela, and Bethany

I’m sitting on the waiting bench inside the fitting room area and who rounds the corner but a beautiful woman I haven’t seen in years and her sweet, growing-up-too-fast daughter. Wow! I didn’t know she’d moved back to town and was overjoyed to see her! She filled me in on her job and how she gets to travel the world! Oh my gosh, I’m elated for her! She’s living her dream! Yay! I love celebrating women and cheering them on toward their dreams!

Then she innocently asks me, “So what’s new with you, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨?” …. 😳😅🤣

Well when you ask it like that right after sharing about your world travels, how’s a gal supposed to respond? I don’t believe for a second she meant it to be a jab, but it did get me thinking. (Of course.)

To be quite honest, so much is new and wonderful, I was having trouble narrowing it down to something quick and platonic. I didn’t want to subject her with a lengthy conversation she wasn’t prepared to have in the moment. What is new with me? How do I sum it up in a way that a person in casual conversation could understand?

From her perspective, I can easily see how it might sound like nothing is new since last we saw each other. In many ways, my life hasn’t changed that much … but that all depends on perspective. I’ll attempt to bullet point what is new and then explain why her question stuck with me.

Let’s See …

1. My husband and I bought our first home.

Lovingly named The “Wright” House. We are so thankful!

2. The world in which we do ministry was completely flipped upside down and is righting itself. Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness! Your ways are higher!

3. I discovered some hidden food allergies and since then have been able to wean off of a buttload of medication.

4. I took a leap of faith and quit taking a hormone medication that was ruining my life. The cost to my quality of life was too high, and I do not believe God puts us in situations where we must choose the lesser of two evils.

Source: Pinterest

5. My amazing in-laws are moving back to Knoxville after over a decade away! Glory to God!

6. I had to step away from many very important people in my life which was unbearably hard and sad, but I know my God’s got every single one of them just as He has me.

7. I’ve finally been able to grieve for myself after a lifetime of abuse, coming to some shocking realizations and furthering my fire for domestic abuse awareness.

8. I started this blog.

9. So much victory being experienced in my husband and I and those around us!

My 💗 in a picture! Back Left to Right: Abbey, Tyler, Mike, Morgan, Austin. Front Left To Right: Ashley, Me, Aaron

10. I’m learning about worth and love that is redefining the way I view myself, The Holy Trinity, and ministry.

And the list could go on …

Perspective

It’s really tough to quantify the spiritual and emotional growth that’s taken place. And that’s not a bad thing!! My husband and I both have been on this amazing journey of discovering our worth, allowing The Lord to heal us and set us free from a lot of bondage, baggage, and generational curses. That’s the most honest summarization I could give, but I just answered, “So much, but we don’t have that kind of time!”

Man, I wish I had given a more “spiritual” answer! Haha! Do you ever do that? Reanalyze your responses? 🤔

But there’s still truth in the implication of “anything?”; up until we bought our house especially and even until just recently my life had been sooo bland to an outside observer because I wasn’t being open. Not because I’m content with the safety of a routine, but because I had stopped.

𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐’𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 “𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧” 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 “𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘶𝘱/𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴” 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

“Alive” by Sia is my jam!

I Used to Be Bold. Take Risks

I used to be audacious in the pursuit of my goals and dreams. And then life happened. And more life happened. Then even more life happened. At some point it felt like too much. Hadn’t I been through enough already? Is this really how it’s going to be the entire time I walk this earth? So I withdrew. I gave in to the negativity. What was the use? What is the point? Like Becca, “If this is what I get for trying…”

Pulling away wasn’t all bad, though. Part of it was feeling beat up by life because of the perspective I had given over to, but an even bigger part is that God told me to step back. It was in the midst of that obedience I gave in to mind monsters. The original decision was to obey Him. I was able to do a great deal of emotional and spiritual unpacking and reevaluating, and SO much more that I hope to write about in the future.

But I wasn’t living the Abundant Limitless Intentional Victorious Exuberant life I’m called to live. It’s all stepping stones, though, and this simple question was a confirmation. I have to model LiveALIVE louder and better than the example I had been setting, otherwise the answer to her question may as well be, “No, same old same old.” (I don’t know about you, but that notion scares me!)

Two Thoughts

First, how dare I whine and complain. Our suffering could never come close to His. Thank You, Jesus, for Your Grace. You know we will complain and lack patience. You know we will fall short and lack understanding. Yet, You love us the same. Father, forgive me for my dullness, my doubt, my lack of fire. Forgive me for giving in to the negative, for caring too much about what others think and not enough about what you think. A life ALIVE is a life well lived. Help me to LiveALIVE. I can’t do it without you.

Second, I am going to make mistakes, I’m going to piss people off, I’m going to step into sin. We all do, everyday. I was sinning by not trying just as much as I probably am when I am trying. We’re never going to be perfect in this life. I’m tired of pursuing perfection as a means of being closer to Him. It didn’t work in The Old Testament Law and it doesn’t work now.

I just want Jesus. I just want His love, His healing, His heart. I want to see people set free. Lord, do in me what only You can do. And if people continue to misunderstand that’s okay. No one is more misunderstood than You. How can I expect victory in others if I’m not showing the victory in my life. Who would want it? Who would believe it?

So thank you, precious friend, for reminding me to always be grateful, always be prepared to give an account of the Glory of God in my life, and for confirming what I had already been feeling: Leading by example means positioning yourself in such a way so that the people who may follow you can see where you’re walking. I am far from the person I was even a few years ago, but who would know that if I don’t show it? Sharing isn’t about the sharer, it’s about the sharee.

“He must become greater, and I must become less.”

If an old friend were to ask you, “What’s new?” What’s one part of your story that you could quickly share in passing to lift someone up?

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

15. World War Women III: A Modern Twist on Proverbs 31

If you’re a woman in the Bible Belt, you’ve probably heard of or read about The Proverbs 31 Woman. Some of us love her and some of us resent her. But for those who may not know, she is essentially the proverbial standard of a Godly Woman.

On one hand we recognize that no one is perfect but this gives us a visual on our potential. No one said we have to be just like her. She may not even have been a real person, but a concept. On the other hand if we’re caught in the rat race of living a Perfectly Proverbs 31 Life, the falling short weighs heavy.

Like her or not, she’s there and entire ministries have been themed around her. What if she were real and alive today? By current cultural (not biblical) standards it might read something like this:

✅ Thin but not too thin, curvy but not too curvy. Her lips have to be full but not too full. Her nails manicured but not overly so. She must have thick thighs, with a thigh gap, a small waist, and a flat stomach. She must be muscular but still soft. Her eyes must be big and open but not too wide. She wears makeup but looks like she isn’t wearing any. But she can’t wear make up all the time either because then she’s insecure and not as awesome as the women who don’t wear any at all. But if she wears none at all then she isn’t trying enough.

✅ She gets her clothes from the latest, trendiest boutiques but has to look original and like she’s not trying. Her hair has to be styled, but also rock a messy bun even if she can only get half her hair in it, and with just the right amount of trendy color.

✅ She’s smart but not too smart because then she’s a show off. Talented, but not too talented because she’s probably faking it. People are lurking in the shadows counting on her to fail. She works hard and is successful, but also lazy because “adulting is hard.” If she enjoys adulting too much it would make her seem inhuman and unrelatable. She’s just social enough so people won’t think she’s a snob, but not too much so she becomes a spectacle.

✅ She must perfectly follow all eating and lifestyle trends, and be a master at all social media platforms. She must be authentic, but catchy. She must present thoughts that appear deep and vulnerable but only on the surface so it’s more palatable.

✅ She must keep her house clean and organized, but only when company comes over so she can Netflix and chill with wine the rest of the time. She not a real woman unless “the struggle is real” and only coffee, wine, Netflix, chocolate, Jesus, and her dog can help. Her house has to be welcoming and full of on-trend intricacies to dazzle and delight. And she has to be awesome at preparing amazing food at a moment’s notice but at the same time have carefully mapped out every meal for at least a week down to the penny for her coupon notebook.

✅ Her kids have to be on point, talented, and perfectly reflect her parenting and character. All tantrums are to be justified as teachable life moments with great meaning. She must worship her children, but not too much because the mom life has to also be super exhausting and at the edge of causing a nervous breakdown or she’s not a real mom.

✅ She has to be on the PTA, be at every game, every doctors appointment, and know where everything and everyone is at all times. She has to have a village to help her, but also be able to do it all on her own without any help so other’s don’t get jealous.

✅ As a wife she must be equal parts submissive and independent. Too much independence would make her husband look bad and not enough would make her look pathetic. Her husband must be happy, but not too happy because a truly happy marriage isn’t real either. She must make money, take care of the kids, cook and clean, and encourage and support her husband all on her own or with a village depending on how the public views it that day.

✅ At church she must be well-read in scripture and multi-talented in her service to the church organization. Her life must look just enough out of whack that it’s interesting to others, but she has to have a smile on her face and a hopeful word at all times. Always being good, fine, or blessed doesn’t cut it, but forbid it if she actually has a detailed response!

✅ At work she must be a shark who also bakes cupcakes for the breakroom. She must have valid insight to contribute to the team but not enough that it threatens others. She must do enough to satisfy the corporate gods but not too much because “actually doing things gets you fired.”

Source: Pinterest

And if by some miracle of creation she even remotely achieved all of that, we hate her for it because “why can’t we?!” 😫 No wonder why we’re mean! I’m feel meaner just writing about it. I have the honor of meeting with women almost daily who share with me like the pressures they feel. If we add them all up it would look something like this.

What on earth are we doing to one another and to ourselves?! It’s human nature to want what we don’t have, and it’s said that people attack what they most admire. But why do we feel like the way to increase the perception of our value is to attempt to decrease the perception of someone else’s?

You can shine without having to outshine others. There’s enough Light to go around.

The One who holds our value is the same yesterday, today, and forever! Our value cannot waiver because The Ultimate War has already been won for us. Our worth was sealed on the Cross. The battles we find ourselves in now are to convince us otherwise. To distract and discourage from our purpose. But if we look upward, we know that He can turn these trials into growing opportunities. Instead of throwing shade, let’s share the light of what we learn to lift up others!

Source: Pinterest

If someone or a few women have come to mind as you’ve read this series, pray for them. Whether you were the mean girl or she was, pray. We are all fighting a battle that no one can truly understand but ourselves and The Lord. Drop the judgement. Life is too short to play the comparison game.

“Have courage and be kind.” Choose to love instead of judge. Build up instead of teardown. We will be amazed at what happens when we ask God for the eyes to see her the way He does. Ask God to give you a word of encouragement or of forgiveness for her. Instead of building walls between us, we should be helping each other break them down!

Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your infinite wisdom, Your faithfulness and lovingkindness, I praise You for Grace and Mercy. Thank You for raising up a generation of confident women! Women who recognize the power and equality You created us for. Women who see one another as assets, not liabilities. Women who recognize their true, unique, beautiful identity and purpose.

Father, bind the hands of the true enemy and place a hedge of protection around Your daughters. Forgive us where we fall short and help us to forgive ourselves and each other. Helps us to understand the power of Your Love, the power of Your Holy Spirit.

Help us to know true fulfillment and where that comes from. Help us to understand that we don’t have to try so hard to be the person You’ve called us to be. We already are who You say we are! Help is to rest in You and the work You have, are, and will do! In Jesus’s name! Glory Glory!

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy

14. World War Women II: Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

A continuation of World War Women I. Last week, we uncovered a sneaky and vicious cycle in the war we rage between each other. A cycle that leads to feelings of defeat and resentment. Competing not to be better, but to keep up. In this Crisis of Comparison, we can also war to feel better than.

Some of us work really hard to maintain the self-belief that because of the choices we make, things we believe, lifestyle we live, etc. we are above others. It’s an armor to keep others away and bolster our sense of significance. Yes, some of us are called to lead and there’s a significant difference in true leadership and competition disguised as leadership. For this week, here are 3 key ways we wage Better Than Wars against each other as women:

1) War on Body:

You see it in statements like, “real women have curves.” Really? So unless you have a curvy figure you’re not real? Or overweight women automatically being judged as lazy and unhealthy. There’s a multitude of reasons why people are over or underweight. Either way you’re viewed as having an eating disorder, right? 🙄

Basically we attack anything we feel like we want and don’t have. Tall v. Short. Curly Hair v. Straight Hair. Big Boobs v. Small Boobs. We spend billions achieving what we believe to be perfection. From Eve and the apple we’re predisposed to want what we can’t have, and take it out on ourselves and each other in the process.

We damage ourselves physically and emotionally chasing after body perfection all the while loathing the women we feel like have it. Every single one of us is made in the image of The Most Beautiful, Glorious Being. He IS Creation. No beginning and No end. Isn’t there room enough for us all to be beautiful? VeggieTales: A Snoodle’s Tale is my absolutely favorite and portrays this gorgeously!

2) War on Status

Have you ever noticed that we’re always competing for who has the most or the best? Who has the best clothes, who has the best home, who’s highlight reel looks the most appealing. Who’s got the better job, etc. Why can’t we encourage each other to find our purpose, whether or not that purpose looks like ours or looks like our definition of success? We all have fruit to produce for His Kingdom and can be adopted into His Family! God’s Word teaches us to consider others greater than ourselves. If we align ourselves with the truth of who we are in Him, it frees us to sincerely and healthily do so without baggage.

Look at Single v. Married. Dating v. Courting, etc. I need another post for that! But I’m sure you get the deal! I will say if you are single, guard your heart against any doubt, judgement, fear, or pressure internally or externally. You are worthy of love and you are LOVED. God sees you and has a purpose that’s between you and God.

And if you are married, be mindful of how and what kind of support and encouragement you offer or are asked to give. Take it all before The Throne first! If you’re single, don’t discredit what your married friends have to say either. Embrace and respect one another for the seasons of life you’re in. The struggle can be real on both ends, each with its own unique set of perks and challenges which rightfully can’t be compared. They’re just different.

3) War on Moms:

Here’s another one that’s gotten way out of control. I don’t care if you have 0 children or 25. Vast is the list of ways women can mother. Whether you stay at home, work from home, work out of the home. Whether your kids are in daycare or not. Whether you homeschool or not. Whether you pack lunch or not. Whether your kids are trending or not. Whether your house is clean or not. So what you didn’t wash your hair today and your mom-friend found a way. Both of you are just fine. It doesn’t make either one of you less of a mom or less of a woman. Moms can be brutal to one another.

No mom is perfect and Mom comes in many shapes, sizes, and purposes. Biologically speaking a Mother is the one who conceived/birthed you from her womb. But you can also be an adoptive mom, a foster mom, a spiritual mom, even a fur-baby mom 😉. Be the best mom you are called to be, but the mom you are is not the mom she is!

I would probably be dead right now if God in His Beautiful Providence had not planted a few women throughout my life to gift me with glimpses of what it feels like to have a mother’s love. They were an oasis for me. I know the best way to repay their love and kindness toward me is to follow in their footsteps and be that for others. Bottom line: We should be united. It takes a village. We’re designed to be in community with each other, not against each other.

Part III, the final blog of this series, explores what the Proverbs 31 Woman would look like through today’s cultural lens. I hope you find it entertaining and releasing!

Holy Spirit, give us the grace and wisdom to see ourselves and each other according to your beautiful design. Help us to be slow to judge and to anger and quick to be kind and encourage. Help us to open an honest dialogue between one another instead of harboring grudges and assumptions. Let your love overflow and empower us to live for one another and not against. In Jesus name, all glory to You, my God and King, Amen.

Live ALIVE Today,

Cindy

13. World War Women I: Mean Girls

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been affected by a Mean Girl? 🙋‍♀️Raise your hand if you’ve ever acted like a Mean Girl yourself? 🙋‍♀️

This is for any woman who’s ever gotten trapped in the rat race of comparison, had a rumor spread about her, felt isolated, rejected, putdown, left-out, judged, or humiliated. This is for any woman who’s ever felt like she would do whatever it took to prove herself to someone else. This is for the woman who ever felt less than.

This is also for the woman who put others down thinking it would make her feel better. Judged someone else or spread a rumor because it made her feel included. Intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings because she was angry, jealous, or threatened.

This is for all of us. On some level or another we’ve all come face to face with a mean girl, even the one in the mirror, if we’re honest. Let’s remove the facade of perfection and breathe for a moment. Let our carefully planted guards down and try to see each other clearly.

Wouldn’t it feel good to stop pretending we have it all together? Stop pretending we have all the answers? Stop being afraid to let ourselves be seen as we are? Chances are we all look a lot more alike than we know. We don’t see it because of the raging war going on between us.

Jesus, Prince of Peace, Lover of Our Souls, we cry out to you in this place. Invade us with Your healing love and truth. Calm the raging seas between us all and place us on Your solid and Holy ground. Open our eyes, our hearts, our minds to see one another as You see us. To love one another as You love us. Let nothing come from this writing that isn’t from You.

There is room enough on this earth for all of us. Why do we compete? Why do we compare? I have watched women destroy themselves and others just to prove that they’re better. Like there isn’t enough pie to go around so we’ve got to squash anything viewed as a threat to our piece. Social media makes it SOOOOO much worse.

Someone else’s success should have no affect on your worth. Why do we let it? God’s plan is big enough that we all have a part to play. As uniquely made as our fingerprints, so are the plans He has for us. And shouldn’t the end game be the same? To foster others to victory as well?

We’re all on our own beautiful journey to live our best life. But it’s said that you become the average of the people with which you spend the most time. Slowly but surely, the good and the bad, you pick things up from others. This is one reason for, “above all else guard your heart.”

Being vigilant to the way others effect us is part of that. One day a few years ago, God woke me up. I was comparing and competing. Not to be better, but to keep up. Can anyone relate? I saw myself as unworthy of removing the sandals from their feet, and grappled desperately trying to be someone worthy of their friendship and respect. In my mind, to repay them for what I thought they did for me that I didn’t deserve. To repay them for being kind enough to be my friends. Something that, as time went on, was more and more apparently impossible.

What person wouldn’t get an ego boost from such loyalty and admiration? Eventually these friends began treating me as weak and helpless and I believed I was. Any sign of strength or independence was resented and criticized. Listen, no one can make you feel any which way without your permission. Be mindful of the permission you give!

I take full responsibility for my part, and God’s Grace is sufficient for us all. Not one of us is righteous! I could have guarded my heart better and exercised better boundaries, recognized my worth and understood my influence. But Jesus does not give up. If we allow, we can be continually molded. Through these experiences I did learn, and I can only imagine my grappling to be worthy enough came off at times as trying to be better then.

Do you see the vicious cycle here? I, not knowing my own worth and value, was just trying to elevate myself to the level I esteemed them, and lived in a state of feeling always beneath. In turn they, not understanding their own worth and value, tried to elevate to where they saw me. Since we were all trying to “keep up” with each other, it became by default a competition. Though our direct thought process was not one of “I need to be better than her,” but “I want to be more like her.” Sisters, let’s get off this hamster wheel!

The truth is that people are not our enemy. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:20) But the “spiritual forces of wickedness” definitely enjoy seeing us duke it out.

As we go about our week, let’s ask for the wisdom and clarity to see one another as we are, as a full person, as a flawed person, as a beloved and valued person. What role have you played in World War Women? What can you do to wage peace, both internally and externally? What’s one step you can take to come off the hamster wheel?

Maybe it would help to dig a little more into the different types of wars waging in Part 2 next week.

LiveALIVE Today,

Cindy